


Flower Lungs

by Shairan



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Angst, Flowers, Hanahaki Disease, M/M, Mentions of Blood, Unrequited Love, not that much tho
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-24
Updated: 2016-09-04
Packaged: 2018-08-10 21:24:01
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,834
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7861630
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shairan/pseuds/Shairan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hansol never knew loving someone could hurt <i> so </i> bad. He never knew loving him would make him <i> sick.</i></p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Blossoming

**Author's Note:**

> _Adonides_ : french translation for the flower name "Pheasant's Eyes". i used it instead of the english term for aesthetism purpose.  
>  _beta-read by_ [ evy ](http://www.asianfanfics.com/profile/view/1346631).

As far as Hansol remembered, he's always liked Seokmin.  
From their first meeting, before they debuted. But, in a friendly way, back then.  
  
How couldn't he ?  
  


The guy was so warm and funny, even the other members could testify to that.

  
His catching laugh always held a genuine sense of humor and made him so happy.  
He had soft, perfectly tanned skin. And his voice ? His voice was magnificent.

  
His smile seemed to make all of Hansol's worries melt away.  
  
In fact, he was convinced that Seokmin's whole being must've been a gift from Heaven itself.  
  
Hansol knows he's being so cheesy but who cares ?  
  


When Seokmin arrived, a brand new trainee, he got along well with everyone quickly...despite the loneliness he experienced at first.  
  
However, Soonyoung and Hansol were the two closest to him.  
  
Although the members called the vocalist a cry-baby (affectionately, of course) during their trainee days, they all knew how much Seokmin worked hard. As Seokmin even stated himself, he could become so greedy with his passions and singing was one of them.

It was something Hansol adored about the tanned man.  
  
Both of them were so close, so touchy together back then. When Hansol was struggling with bad thoughts or simply felt uneasy, Seungkwan and Seokmin were the members who offered him the most comfort. It worked the other way as well.  
Of course, they liked the other members too but with MC Boo and Dokyeom it was different.  
  
However, 

As they grew and began performing several sets per day,

As their fame grew as well,  
  
They began to drift away.  
  
Hansol could feel it.  
  
It's not as if they simply stopped talking to each other. Seokmin would smile at him from time to time or still do fanservice. But deep down in his guts, Hansol knew something was different.  
Oh, for how he tried counteless times to approach the main vocalist so they could finally speak on the issue.  
But they either didn't have time or the rare times he finally got to have one moment with him, he would just get so scared and spit out any lies that would come to his mind.

When they had eye contact, which means very often thanks to Hansol, he hadn't noticed any change in the vocalist's eyes.

Maybe it truly was inevitable ?  
  
Seungkwan, who could sense that something about Seokmin bothered Hansol, offered to talk to the other main vocalist for him, so many times, but the younger just declined.  
It wasn't Seungkwan's role. Hansol had to be the one striking up the conversation yet he couldn't even find the strenght to do so.  
  
He had to let it go, _let him go._

 _It was life, after all,_ Hansol would tell himself.

As long as these mini-interactions that were nothing less than fanservice were still here, he could go with it.  
He promised himself not to worry over such trivial things in the future. He was a part of a group- no, a family- on which an entire company counted. He had to focus on its work from now on.  
And for months, that little mantra he kept repeating in his head everyday was enough to stay focused, at least during the day.  
At night, the truth was quite different but he still had control on himself.  
  
But, of course, it didn't last.  
  
Shortly afterwards, unable to understand why, his heart would ache so damn bad he had to look somewhere else whenever Seokmin had any interaction with Soonyoung.  
This feeling was simply growing in his chest, day by day.  
At times, he would discretely leave to compose himself.  
  
Soonyoung has always been like this with the vocalist, Hansol had no problem with that to begin with. Nonetheless, the most painful sight was that unlike with him, the relationship between the vocalist and the dancer didn't seem to fade away with time. It was quite the opposite actually : they looked even closer now.  
The blond-haired man would always touch Seokmin's shoulder and whisper him some things nobody could obviously hear and so on whilst Hansol was struggling to keep all his feelings locked deep inside.  
  
He never liked to show how he really felt.  
  
He had learned since his childhood to somehow take things lightly and put his feelings aside so he would still be able to do his best, whatever the situation.  
That's why everyone would say that he always seemed so relaxed sometimes, so “unbothered”.  
So, as usual, Hansol had to play it cool.

So, he did.  
  
He couldn't tell a word to Seungkwan, because these feelings scared him. He didn't want to hear _these words._ However, the latter knew how hurt he was and watched his band-mate, his friend, his brother, suffering in silence.  
  
Hansol wasn't jealous when Seungkwan was chatting or laughing with another bandmate.  
In fact, he was only jealous whenever Seokmin was involved.  
  
Nobody else had noticed it, not even Wonwoo. Hansol was good- no great at pretending. Few months flew by and then, something happened.  
  
He got sick.  
  
The first symptoms occurred one night, in the practice room. It was 2 am, and Seungcheol had decided that it was enough for the day.  
The leader and Jihoon were talking about their schedule while the rest of the group was literally almost-sleeping on the floor. They were pretty exhausted and tomorrow was going to be a long day (well, it was technically already tomorrow, but still). Hansol couldn't help it but take a look at Seokmin and his, he had to admit it, handsome features.  
  
He froze.  
  
Soonyoung was sitting cross-legged while on his lap rested his beloved's head, Seokmin's.  
The performance leader was lazily stroking his hair while the so-called Happy Virus' face was trimming a tired smile.  
  
He shouldn't have been surprised. It was surely not the first time they were in such a position and they weren't the only ones to do so after hours of practice.  
But this was Seokmin and Soonhyung; and this time, it made him sick.  
  
Hansol felt his gag reflex rocking his way up on his throat like he was going to throw up and quickly stumbled his way out so he could pour it outside and not on the carpet.  
  
After few meters, he stopped and leaned forward, eyelids closing shut.  
  
What a surprise it was when, in the cold night, he noticed that what fell on the ground wasn't bile or vomit.  
  
Two beautiful chrysanthemums, as white as the stars lighting the sky, were laying on the ground.  
  


_Pure devotion_.  
  
Hansol took one in his hand, flustered. Why on earth was he throwing up flowers ?  
  
Why was his chest feeling so heavy now ?  
  
A loud sound behind him made him jump in surprise.  
  
“Hansol-ah !” 

Seungcheol was running toward him. Hansol hid the flower in his pocket and turned himself toward his leader.  
  
“Are you okay?” He stuttered out, obviously worried.

“I'm fine, don't worry. I was just feeling dizzy and needed fresh air.” the younger muttered, hands tucked into his pockets.  
  
“Are you sure ?” Seungcheol countered, “Your face says something else. “  
  
It was, all at once, so easy yet so hard to lie to Seungcheol. The older could be really observant at the worst times, just like Wonwoo.  
  


“Well, i'm just tired.” Hansol mumbled, getting caught up in his own lie.  
  
“Hmm, 'kay” responded the leader, appraising him and not really convinced. “We're leaving anyway, just come so we can gather our things and leave.”  
  
“Yeah.” Hansol responded, nodding.  
  


The eldest wrapped his left arm onto his dongsaeng's shoulders and together, they walked back to the practrice room.  
When they entered, everyone was standing on their feet, exhausted as they stayed silent. However, the rapper could feel Seokmin's gaze on him. He averted his eyes toward him and they made eye contact. But as soon as they connected, the vocalist looked somewhere else.  
  
Hansol sighed and strolled over to take his sweatshirt.  
  
The walk to their dorm passed in almost complete silence, Soonyoung and Chan once again discussing the details of their most recent choreography. Hansol didn't mind to pay attention to their discussion, too busy trying to figure out the events that happened outside minutes ago. 

Should he tell Seungkwan about this ? He didn't know if he should, honestly.  
  
Yes, they were a band. A 13-member collective where each needed that one member who they could divulge the more serious topics too.  
But he didn't want to involve twelve others in something he couldn't even comprehend.  


He had to do some research before telling _anyone_ about this.  
  


  


*************

 

3 am began with Hansol lying on his bed. The dorm was silent, the chirps of a few random birds streaming into his eardrums.  
  
A week flew by, and he was still throwing up flowers.  
  
The pain in his chest was growing more and more. 

  
Sometimes, even while talking, his breath would get uneven. It wasn't really noticeable, but he could definitely feel it.   
Somehow, he managed to hide his state to everyone (or at least he thought so) since he'd always go to throw up at night, surely because nighttime is when all of this began, spinning out of his control.  
  
The Hanahaki disease. 

_An illness born from one-sided love, where the patient throws up and_ _ coughs _ _of flower petals when they suffer from one-sided love. The infection can be removed through surgery, but the feelings disappear along with the petals. The procedure is usually safe however few complications, such as different types of amnesia, may occur._

  
Rare but not unknown.   
  
Actually, this disease was becoming less uncommon these days according to some studies. The amount of people throwing up their unrequited feelings was slowly but surely increasing each year.  
  
And he was one of these people.  
  
By the moment he read the definition and meaning of all of this, he knew what it was. Of course, denying it was the easiest thing to do at first. But it was completely useless.  
  
His body was constantly reminding him of his feelings; his _true_ feelings.  
  
Now, the only sight of Seokmin's lovely face or even a glimpse of his voice was enough to stimulate his gag reflex.  
Surprisingly, Hansol would always do his best to keep it down and he succeeded. It was difficult, but at least he was undercover for now.  
He still hadn't told anyone about this. He wanted to confess to someone so he could feel lighter. The members were these best for him, and nobody would dare judge him on it.  
  
Would it even change a damn thing in the end ? Would the pain evaporate ?  
  
No. He would still remain sick as long as he- whatever. He had already made up his mind.  
Hansol knew that his state would only continue to worsen and he'd made peace with himself by now. We all die, after all, anyways.  
  
Lost in his thoughts, Hansol hadn't paid attention to the increasingly sharp pain through his chest. He knew the feeling too well by now and the event that would quickly follow. The American boy made his way out of the room and into the bathroom, making sure to lock the door. He bent over the sink and then, violent coughs racked through his frame.  
  
Only spit and blood left his parched throat. He didn't know what the hell was going on at ths point but his chest felt so heavy he resisted sitting on the edge of the vanity, making sure to attempt avoiding the exhaustion that would be sure to follow.  
It hurt, sure, but it made him feel alive. He knew he was messed up but the thought of loosing these feelings was the most painful thing at this point, it only served to fill him with emptiness.  
  
“Hansol ? Open the door."  
  
The young man froze. He immediately recognized the voice. Why the hell wasn't he sleeping ? 

Hansol sighed, at least it wasn't his leader.  
  
Indeed, Seungcheol was starting to get suspicious about the boy's health and wouldn't stop the worried stare that would span up his features.  
They couldn't stay together for even two minutes, Hansol made sure of it. He knew that at the earliest opportunity, Seungcheol would demand a serious talk with him, managing to make him talk (the leader could be very persuasive) and to imagine that was...  
  
A beg cut though his thoughts. "Hansol, please. It's Seungkwan..."  
  
Washing away the sticky blood and spit with water, Hansol responded “Yes, I know. Wait.”, letting out a sigh.  
  
He had barely opened the bolt before Seungkwan quickly entered the confined space, locking the door behind him.  
  
"Are you going to tell me what's going on with you these days ?” Seungkwan demanded, posture firm in front of him.  
  
“I don't know what you're talking about,“ Hansol mumbled, looking downwards.  
  
“I'm not stupid.” Seungkwan retorqued pointedly “You're in here every night in here doing I don't know... something. "  
  
Hansol kept silent. _Don't say anything._  
  
“To be really honest, at first, I thought you were touching yourself or something” Seungkwan blushed. “But I heard what I think were coughs and-” Hansol cut him off.  
  
"I just-" just as he was going to explain himself with another lie from his bruised lips, he began throwing up.  
  
The pain was immense to the point that he dropped down onto his knees; one hand clutching at his chest through his shirt as Seungkwan immediately kneeled down besides him, drawing soothing circle onto his back. 

It was the first time that so many flowers slipped out from his mouth. It wasn't chrysanthemums anymore.  
  
The floor around them was now covered in adonides.  
  
_Yellow_ adonides.  
  
They were slightly tainted with his own blood.  
  
_Pain, painful remembrance, painful love._ He knew what these flowers meant.  
  
Days earlier, he had looked for the meaning of the flowers people were most likely to cough up.  
  
Seungkwan was staring at his friend in disbelief. Hansol didn't have to say anything, now. He knew what it is.  
  
His gaze was glued on the floor while Seungkwan was still taken aback by what he just witnessed. Hansol wasn't the crying type yet two pearls rolled down on his cheek.  
  
The vocalist, who hadn't said a thing yet, hugged him. Seungkwan knew something was off with Hansol. But he didn't want to pressure him so he waited for the other to speak. Maybe, he should have pushed more.  
They parted from each other.  
  
"It's Seokmin-hyung, right ?" Seungkwan simply asked, his brows furrowed.  
  
Hansol remained silent.  
  
"I don't want to force you, but damn Hansol. You've been suddenly acting weird and looked so tired. I've been so worried about you and you should know that i'm not the only one. All the members noticed it, they just said nothing. I just want to help you. I love you. And I'll never let you down, neither will the rest of the members. We are family. " Seungkwan rambled.  
  
He felt the tears emerging again from his eyelids. He felt so broken; so guilty.  
  
"Yes, it's him." he finally answered.

"Thanks for letting me know" Seungkwan didn't sound that surprised.

Hansol raised questioning eyes to his friend.  
  
"I was pretty sure of that. You're basically burning holes in his back with your eyes when he's with Soonyoung you know.  And although you didn't talk about “being in love with him”, per se, I knew your interest for him was more than friendly, " Seungkwan quietly explained.  
  


"But," he began, "I didn't know you had this, really. I'm so sorry Hansolie..."  
  
"It's okay," Hansol chuckled slightly, but it was a joyless chuckle, indeed.  
  
"Does anybody else know about this ?" Seungkwan asked.  
  
Hansol shook his head. "No, you're the first."  
  
"Oh..."  
  
An awkward silence settled between them before Seungkwan hesitantly raised his voice again.

"I...you could get the-"

"No" the sick man stuttered immediately.  
  
"But-" Seungkwan offered.  
  
"I said no," Hansol stated.  
  
Seungkwan knew the other boy wasn't very fond of talking about his feelings in general and that's why he preferred to say “no” without any further explanations.  
  
"Sorry," Hansol muttered, seeing the other pained face. He sighed. "I can't. It's not even safe. I've thought a lot about this but I just can't. And it's okay, really." he assured.  
  
Seungkwan couldn't really understand. Of course, he himself already fell in love with someone. And, love is a beautiful thing indeed but it also had its fair share of pain.  
He really didn't know what to do for the American boy. It was hard to put himself in his shoes. Only those who had already experienced it could truly understand his friend.  
  
However, he wasn't going to let him die.  
  
"It's not okay. We have to do something."  
  
"There's nothing to do." the rapper insisted.  
  
Hansol got to his feet even though he felt dizzy. Seungkwan immediately did the same, and stopped his friend.

"I'm going to clean this up," he gestured around the enclosed room, "Wash your mouth and go to sleep, you look like shit."  
  
"Thanks. Good night." Hansol finally said with a weak smile.

“Yeah, 'night” Seungkwan replied.  
  
  
Hansol turned on the faucet and hurried to rid his mouth of the acidic and blood aftertaste. Seungkwan tried not to stare at him.

Meanwhile, Seungkwan was cleaning the floor, thoughts focused on the whole situation.  


He knew Hansol was going to hate him if talked about this to anyone, but it was his role after all. 

Seungkwan couldn't leave his dying friend in such a poor state. All of the members were bounded in such a way that he just had to talk before it was too late.


	2. The Glow.

Hansol was now sleeping in a bed made of heliotropes ; deep purple heliotropes.

 _Heliotropium amplexicaule, usually called blue heliotrope,_ his brain recited at the sight.  
  
_Eternal love, the pain of love._  
  
This time, it's Seungkwan who informed him of the meaning.  
  
The vocalist was passing most of his free time, already rare as it is, for anything that would help Hansol.  
  
Of course, he found nothing that could cure him, but he would still stubbornly search for it.  
  
However, it seemed like Seokmin definitely didn't reciprocate his feelings.

It had been almost three weeks by now. Yet it was nothing but worse.  
  
The rapper could literally feel the branches growing higher and higher inside his respiratory system the feeling only coupled with the flower blossoming.  
  
He wasn't even throwing up anymore, his throat was too dry for that. He was only coughing flowers and trickles of blood now.  
  
It hurt. It hurt so bad.  
  
He couldn't even muster the energy to rap anymore.

Firstly, he was lip-syncing, the fan took notice, of course, but they said nothing.

He had to explain himself several times to the company and especially their CEO. Hansol was coerced into briefing him on what was going on.

How lucky for him, the surgery wasn't even safe enough for the director to oblige into okaying the procedure. Indeed, he knew that any noticeable complication during the surgery wouldn't pass by unnoticed by the members, the fans and even the media.

The director probed Hansol countless times for hints on who it was but the latter only willed himself into divulging the indication that the target of his self-destructive love was a member of his own group.

For the sake of the band and the whole company, the chief had declared, as Hansol put into a forced hiatus. Hansol vowed to have the surgery if it enventually didn't get any better in a week.

Even Seungkwan had begun pressuring him into getting the operation " _Before it's too late."_ he'd explained. The rapper still answered negativetely, but at his point, he was truly dead tired and his only desire was to die during the surgery so he couldn't experience the loss of these feelings.  
  
The director lied to the member along with Seungkwan, claiming Hansol only had pneumonia and needed to rest.

  
Fortunately, no concert tours had been scheduled. So the rest of the members' schedules were reduced to fan signings, which was quite good. At the least, they had more free-time and were much less exhausted at the end of the day.  
  
The fans gave tons of encouraging messages destined, with priority, for the sick rapper : Letters, sweet words, even fan-arts of him showcasing him smiling as he usually did.  
  
One of their room had been cleared of its occupants just for Hansol. He was sick, the member unanimously agreeing on the fact that he needed peace in order to rest. The leader had forbidden anyone except Seungkwan to enter the room in an attempt to make Seokmin keep his distance.  
The others members yelled at him, claiming it was unfair but the leader cleared it on the pretense of it being a warning from the doctor.

"We have to stay away from him for the time being. Do you really want to lumber him with bacteria ?" Seungcheol had countered.

Hansol didn't really get suspicious since Seungkwan assured him that everyone, aside from the CEO and himself, truly believed that he was down with pneumonia.  
It was so weird but maybe they honestly were _that_ blind, or he was _that_ good at lying and playing hide and seek.  
  
He was grateful for Seungkwan's silence though he knew that it was unhealthily doomed. At times, he found himself preferring that the older had informed their leader, at least. He didn't _know_ how to feel about that. Sometimes, he wished that he could only feel love and not that pesky sharp pain in his rib cage.

  
What Hansol didn't know was that the red-haired boy actually had debriefed their leader on the circumstances. Hesitantly of course, but he did so, shortly after his friend had rested his confidence in him.  
  
Seungcheol was deeply pained to hear the true meaning behind it all, feeling incredibly guilty for his obliviousness. Seungkwan expected him to be mad at the rapper but surprisingly, he wasn't at all.  
He understood, in a certain way, why Hansol hadn't confided in anyone but Seungkwan.  
  
Nonetheless, he made Seungkwan promise not to peep a word to the rest of the members and _especially_ not Seokmin. So, few people of the staff, their manager and Seungkwan, plus Seungcheol knew the truth behind Hansol's current state. They did their best to hide it and work towards making Hansol comfortable with his situation.  
Seungkwan would go everyday to his friend's new assigned room to feed him as possible but mainly helping him to drink water since the latter couldn't eat as much anymore.

Seungkwan told Seungcheol about Hansol's promise to their director, concerning the surgery and it was another incentive for him not to tell the others. He wasn't sure of how they would have reacted.

Plus, Seungcheol didn't think Hansol ready to bear the looks of the other members.

Not yet.

  
  
******

  
  
The dorm was slowly waking up to the sounds of Hoshi's unfunny puns and Joshua's laughter.  
  
Some members were still sleeping while others were being slowly awaken by Seungkwan, whose joy wasn't really there anymore.

It has been one month since this all began.  
  
Seungcheol was one of the first awake.

He hadn't slept actually, too worried about the future of his 13 members, and most importantly : Hansol's pain.

That's why he had made his decision during the night  : He was going to talk face-to-face with Hansol after what seemed like ages. He was highly anxious and fearful : According to what Seungkwan divulged to him day after day, Hansol's health was only worsening.

The leader didn't know in which state he would find the, usually quiet but always healthy, rapper. He slowly got up from his bed and made his way to the bathroom, weariness fueling his pace.  
He opened the door to the sight of Jihoon brushing his teeth.  
  
Seungcheol half-smiled at the smaller man, who in turn turned his head towards him in response, and started brushing his teeth as well. Jihoon side-eyed him several times as an awkward silence settled its way between them.  
  
Seungcheol spit the toothpaste into the basin and washed his mouth while Jihoon, who was already finished, put on his day cream. His hands were firm and rigourous on his skin, sometimes drawing tiny circles on his cheeks.  
  
"What's bothering you  ?" the leader inquired, chuckling slightly. "You're usually not that quiet." he continued.  
  
"Let me ask you the same thing." Jihoon retorted, with a sweet but confident smile.  
  
Seungcheol's heart skipped a beat. It was a rare sight. Although the producer smiled a lot in presence of their fans, in private, it was something else. Not necessarily because he was angry or sad, but more because he simply wasn't the smiling type.  
  
Seungcheol didn't realized that he still hadn't served up a response.  
  
"So  ?" Jihoon asked, quirking an eyebrow.  
  
"Stop assuming things, okay ?" The ebony-haired leader said. "I'm perfectly fine."  
  
"You don't have to play the tough leader with me. You know that right ?" Jihoon was looking him right in the eyes but Seungcheol kept his cool.  
  
"I guess it's just the kind of hiatus that stay in my mind." Seungcheol said, a light sigh escaping his mouth.  
  
"You sure ?" Jihoon inquired.  
  
"Of course." It was 8 am and Seungcheol wasn't proned to speak about Hansol with anyone and surely not Jihoon, who didn't know a thing about the truth.

He excused himself and was about to leave the bathroom when a cold hand gripped his wrist.  
  
Seungcheol turned his puppy-like eyes, about to say something but the candy-haired man cut him off.

"You don't have to keep it all on yourself," Jihoon said with a serious tone.  
  
"I know," Seungcheol replied.  
  
"Good," Jihoon's smile returned.  
  
Seungcheol smiled back at him and quickly left the room, not sure of if he could hold it in any longer. He definitely had to talk with Hansol.

He didn't go in the kitchen to eat with the others as he would usually, instead heading straight towards what had became Hansol's room.  
  
As he walked, he bumped into Seokmin.

The main vocalist looked distressed, not even smiling at Seungcheol when he passed by as he usually did. Seokmin's smile had became rare lately. His stare was cast towards the ground, searching for God knows what. Of course, all the members were sad about what happened to Hansol. Yet ever since Seungkwan and him assured them it wasn't that serious, that the rapper needed mostly rest, they still could go on.

Except for Seokmin who was, by far, the most affected member. The vocalist would constantly ask Seungcheol about Hansol's state. Seungcheol would always supply him with the same excuse : "He's going better, don't worry." or "I don't know, his condition's stable for now."  
  
Today, the only difference was that Seokmin had red eyes and his gaze was glued on the floor so Seungcheol couldn't see anything. Before Seungcheol could muster up something to say, Seokmin rapidly bowed before rushing towards the bathroom.

Seungcheol's eyes followed him, puzzled, before resuming his walk and halting in front of the door.  
  
Seungcheol had never been in there and neither had any of the members except Seungkwan, of course.  
At least, he thought so. If one of the others attempted entering the room secretly, they would have known.  
  
Seungcheol pushed down on the handle his heart beating fast in his chest. The room was plunged into darkness, the blinds were drawn shut.  
A wave of flowery scent entered his nostrils, mixed with the stench of blood that made him nauseous. He was uncertain on whether Hansol was sleeping or not before hearing faint, but regular snores that took a weight off his shoulders.  
  
Seungcheol hurriedly grabbed the phone that was buried in the pocket of his gray pajamas, before turning on the flashlight.

He still felt groggy because of the odor, and he didn't bother watching where he stepped. Walking quickly towards what he believed one of the window occupying the room and opened it, making sure to muffle any noise.  
  
He knew what he was doing was incorrect and rude, but he desesperately needed to speak with Hansol – which was impossible with the darkness and the stench. He opened the stores and left the window ajar.  
  
Seungcheol turned, his eyes naturally sliding towards the form lying on the bed.  
  
The leader literally froze at the picture he was being given.  
  
Hansol was slumbering on the mattress, wearing black pajamas as his chest fluttered with each breath. His face was deadly pale and much, much thinner than the last time he had seen it. His bruised lips were almost white as snow with patches of dry blood sullying them.

But, the most schoking thing to Seungcheol was the blanket Hansol was spread over. It was covered with bloody petals, each surrounding the younger rapper. Seungcheol couldn't even make out what kind- not that he cared at this moment.

There were so much blood, _too_ much blood. It has to end. It has to end or...  
  
"Ah hyung, I looked for yo-"

Seungcheol yelped in surprise at the realization that he'd left the door unlocked. Obviously, Chan had entered the room although he wasn't allowed to, surely wanting to check in without anyone knowing.  
  
The maknae's eyes grew wide as his stare drifted to the bed, putting a hand over his mouth to prevent himself from vomiting.  
  
"What are you doing here ? Just-" Seungcheol hissed, rushing towards him.

But Chan didn't care about what his leader was trying to say this time, running to kneel against the bedside. Without thinking, he started to shake one of the hands lying on Hansol's side :  
  
" Hyung, wake up !" Chan said, fear tinging his voice. "Wake up !"

Hansol had stopped snoring.  
  
Frightened by what he just saw, Seungcheol stood frozen in place.  
  
Chan took the bottle of water on the night stand and filled a glass, making sure to incline it slightly before hurriedly pressing against the rapper's lips.  
  
After a few seconds, Hansol opened his mouth, allowing the water to slowly follow its course in his dehytrated throat. Chan continued to shift the glass as the rapper gulped, filling another one that Hansol drank straight through. Seungcheol released a breath he didn't realize he was holding.

Hansol wasn't really angry to Seungkwan, he knew he'd be found out.  
He tried to speak but he couldn't anymore, a pitiful dash of his voice escaping his mouth as the maknae clung onto his cold hand, encouraging Hansol to continue.  
  
The room was silent except for a cough, and it didn't stem from Hansol this time.  
  
The three boys turned their heads to the door and saw the other members.  
  
Chan's scream drew everyone into the room. All the members were tucked beneath the door frame, silently observing.

Seungkwan through teary eyes, had a hand on Mingyu's mouth, attempting to halt the flow of coughs leaving his throat.

Most of them didn't understand what happened but they were now sure of one thing  : Hansol wasn't down with some type of pneumonia.  
  
Seokmin who was behind made his way forward and instantly froze when he saw the mess surrounding Hansol. He rushed forward and Mingyu followed him, before Seungcheol rushed into the pair, almost slipping onto the carpet. "Don't." the leader quietly warned. "This also applies for all of you. Just stay back."

The others began arguing with Seungcheol and the latter could only count on his autority for not the two men in his arms to push him aside to reach Hansol. However, Wonwoo and Seokmin stayed absolutely silent.

All the vocalist could see was Hansol's imploring eyes towards him, all he could smell was the blood surroundingHansol, and all he could hear was Hansol's faint breaths; Hansol currently struggling to tell him something.

Seokmin attempted to read his lips, but couldn't understand what the other boy was trying to relay to him.  
  
It wasn't...

"Stop !" Chan almost yelled, to no avail, so he yelled even louder. "Stop this !"  
  
Everyone fell silent instantly.  
  
"Don't you ever stop to think that Hansol doesn't need your bullshit ?" asked the maknae, blatantly annoyed. "If you have to fight, do it outside." he added.

The members couldn't believe the words coming out of Chan's mouth.

"He's right." Wonwoo agreed, he hadn't uttered a thing since they'd entered the room.  
  
Jeonghan sighed, obviously aggravated.

"Let's go then." said Junhui, oddly calm.  
  
They all left with a last glance at the red-haired rapper, all except Chan who wanted to clean Hansol's bed first. Seungcheol wanted to stay but Chan looked at him with cold eyes so he made his way out of the room, sighing once he was out.

A settled silence welcomed him, only interrupted by Hansol's coughs that were clearly audible from the living room.

"Why didn't you tell us ?" Junhui finally started, voicing the other members thoughts, as they'd repeatedly screamed at their leader.

"You should know," Seungcheol answered, irritation starting to crawl its way up his chest, "you all should know. He obviously didn't want to, have you even seen his state ? You all should try to put yourselves in his shoes. I shouldn't be saying that, but try. Hansol felt guilty."

No one said a word.

"Hansol felt guilty," Seungcheol repeated. "he didn't even know that I knew ; he feel miserable and all he can do is cough up flowers. He had to go on hiatus, and kind of slowed down our activites because of that." Seungcheol stated. "And you're asking me why I didn't tell you anything, why I hid him ?"

"Yes, we are." Jeonghan retorted, unimpressed.  
  
"How so ?" The rapper was now looking at the long-haired man with piercing eyes.

"I understand that Seungkwan is maybe one of the closest of Hansol." Jeonghan began, "but it isn't fair that he was the only one allowed to enter the room. You should have told us the truth, nobody was going to shout it from the rooftops. You made us think he was going well, do you realize that ?!"

Seungcheol kept quiet, leaving Jeonghan to continue.

"What were you going to do, huh ? Leave him to die ? Lying to us until the very end and saying shit like 'he died from a pneumonia'" Jeonghan ranted. "Oh my God, do you even realize-"

Wonwoo cut him off, tired of this domestic quarrel, "He will be fine."

All heads turned towards him.

"If you're talking about the surgery, he don't-" Seungcheol started but the other rapper cut him off.

"I said he will be fine." Wonwoo repeated, a light but sad smile drawn on his face. "He will be fine if a _certain_ member has a serious talk with him."

"Who ?" Jeonghan pryed, not really appreciating the fact that he had been interrupted.

Seungkwan and Seungcheol looked at each other, questionnigly.

"I won't say his name," Wonwoo replied. "instead, I'll explain briefly what disease affected Hansol."

"Do you think it's the time to tell you one of your stories ? Hansol is dying out there !" Jeonghan almost yelled, surprising everyone. It was the first time the vocalist was losing his cool like that.

"Wait, calm down Jeonghan. Just let him talk, okay ?" Seungcheol pressed his palm on the vocalist's stomach, as if this way he could keep him quiet.  
  
"I can't believe it." Jeonghan sighed.

Wonwoo waited for Jeonghan's expression to soften before continuing "Some of you must have recognized it, but Hansol has the Hanahaki disease," Wonwoo explained. "he's basically throwing up and coughing flowers because of-"

"An unrequited love," Junhui added, "his lungs are flowering themselves day by day. The basic cure is a surgery, but it has sizeable risks. The only other and much easier way to cure it, is for the loved one to be loved back by the one they long for."

Everyone, including the quiet rapper, stared at him in disbelief.

"I searched it online," Junhui added. "it's not a common disease in South Korea, but in China, its occurrence has doubled. The government tries to sweep it under the rug, since the supposed efficient surgeries have caused many side effects and even killed some patients. A girl in my class was sick and got the surgery at the very end. She's now living with partial amnesia." Junhui quietly explained with a frown.

"What is that ?" Joshua asked.

"To put it simply," Junhui answered. "she doesn't remember the life she had before the surgery but she can still build memories, except they begin from the day she got the operation."

"Yeah, it's one of the side effect." Wonwoo nodded, agreeing, "But the most important thing here is that I believe Hansol's love isn't as unrequited as he thinks."

"What ?" A few members asked in surprise.

"I'm sorry I had to say it in front of the whole group but," Wonwoo trails off, "it's one of the members."

"How do you know ?" Soonyoung asked, dubious.

"I don't only watch but observe. Ask your leader." Wonwoo muttered, his voice dripping with irony.

The said leader realized who it was the moment Wonwoo started talking. Seungcheol knew that it was one of the members, altough, Seungkwan never mentioned it. But now, everything made sense. How could he have been that blind  ?

"It's true. It's one of our members," said leader uttered, agreeing. "that's one of the reasons I didn't tell you all about this. And, I think that Wonwoo has a point. I just don't think that member has realized it yet," Seungcheol added.

"We shouldn't interfer in this, but Hansol's survival relies on this member speaking with him."

Only silence answered him.

"All of you can go into his room now, but only if you keep your cool." Seungcheol glared intensely at Jeonghan, who only snorted in response. "He's physically weak as you might have seen. But first, I'd like you all to-"

The ding of a bell cut him off.

Soonyoung rushed toward the intercom, "Yes ?"

Silence.

"Okay," Soonyoung said, "I'm opening."

He turned towards the other men in the room. "It's our manager."

He couldn't have come at a worst time.

"We can't-" some began, before being bitterly interrupted by Minghao, "he already knows, it's a given."

The members stayed silent as a pair of footsteps audibly made their way up the stairs.

Soonyoung opened the door before the manager could even blink, and bowed respectfully.  
The manager returned the gesture before calmly entering the room to the sight of ten boys bowing in their turn.

"The director wants to talk to all of you." the manager muttered.

"What ?" Mingyu asked, now angry. They all needed time to recover from what they just witnessed, but of course, they just had to go.

"Are you deaf ?" the manager responded defensively, causing Mingyu to pout.

"Few members need to stay here to keep an eye on Hansol," Seungcheol explained, gesturing to the other boys.

"So they know ?" the manager asked, already knowing the answer as Seungcheol nodded.

"Okay."

"Seokmin and Seungkwan, you're staying here." Seungcheol didn't hesitate and the two men merely nodded whereas the rest were about to argue again.

"Don't discuss it, he will be fine. If you can't trust your leader then at least, trust Wonwoo." Jihoon added, rescuing Seungcheol.

The leader looked at him with thankful eyes before diving back into the sick boy's room to inform Chan of the situation. The maknae, still angry, only nodded in responses before joining his elders in the entrance and imitating their actions as he quickly put on his shoes.

Everyone was disappointed in not only their leader but also towards their own company, although they knew that despite the fact that Hansol was practically family, they had nothing to say. Even though they were a part of Seventeen, their voice was nothing.

Seungkwan quickly waved goodbye at them before shutting the door. He went back at his previous place, sitting on the couch.

Seokmin hadn't even moved, his eyes boring into the table.  
  
"Hyung," Seungkwan attempted, to no avail. Seokmin didn't say a thing.

Seungkwan sighed, jotting something down on paper. Then he threw on his own shoes and went out, maybe to join the other members. Seokmin didn't know, nor care, as he finally stood and walked to the door.

 _It couldn't be his fault,_ Seokmin argued.

How so ? He countered, _how_ _could Hansol even fall in love with him ?_

It was nothing but a bad dream right ?

The only factor that didn't make all of it a nightmare was the fact that at the least, he was loved in return.

He entered the room to see Hansol's, beautiful, lips tainted with blood. The rapper had laid down once more, eyelids closed even as his chest ceased to move.

Now, it had became a nightmare.

"Hansol" Seokmin whispered, approaching Hansol's sleeping form.

No answer.

"Hansol." he repeated, prior to attempting to take Hansol's pulse. Seokmin tried everywhere : Hansol's neck, his wrist but he didn't feel any beat.

It was empty, lifeless.

"Hansol, I..." The vocalist trailed off, mocha-brown eyes now permeated with salt water.

"I'm so sorry, I'm such an idiot. I'm a fucking idiot. Just, come back. I love you." Seokmin begged.

Seokmin attempted CPR, sometimes being met with Hansol's pulse only for it to disappear seconds later.

Seokmin tried again and again, tears streaming down his sun-kissed cheeks.

For what seemed like hours yet were actually about fifteen minutes, Seokmin strived to save Hansol but nothing could be done : Hansol was gone.

_Hansol is dead. Hansol is dead. Choi Hansol is dead._

The mantra reverberated around Seokmin's skull. He had killed him.

What's a more tragic burden than the one of having killed your beloved ?

Seokmin was still gripping Hansol's wrist in his hands. It was so cold, so _quiet_ under his veins but his face seemed so calm, so _content_.

As if, after all this throe, Hansol had finally found peace, far, far away from him.

Hansol was dead.

Seokmin refused the fact, it couldn't be real.

 _It was just a nightmare right ?_   Seokmin reasoned, so he just had to _wake up_.

Without any further thoughts, Seokmin pressed his warm lips onto Hansol cold ones.

It was a light kiss, their lips barely touching; but it was enough for Hansol to suck in air, lightly sucking on Seokmin's lips as he slowly opened his eyes, gasping.

Seokmin instantly reeled back and stared at him with wide eyes.

"Oh my god..." the vocalist muttered, now cautiously lifting Hansol's head.

The rapper took great intakes of oxygen, the sound of gasps filling the silence.

A few moments passed with Seokmin holding onto Hansol's head while the red-haired boy breathed with difficulty. At least, he was now able to _breathe_ and _feel_ air, not pain.  
Hansol could feel flowers wilting and branches lugging themselves out, disappearing to God knows where. Hansol skin wasn't pale anymore, his breath already more stable.

He finally lifted his head a bit, Seokmin immediately putting a pillow on the headboard, helping Hansol rest himself back on it.

"Thanks." Hansol murmured, a sad smile on his lips.

Wait, what ? What had Seokmin done ?

He wasn't so sure, but they were so close but...it was only mouth-to-mouth right  ?

Then, why was Hansol able to speak again ?

Why didn't it hurt anymore  ?

His chest felt much more lighter as if...

"I love you." Seokmin said with a loving tone.

Hansol's heart fluttered, seemingly willing to claw its way out of his chest.

"Am I dead ?" Hansol asked, short-winded.

In any other circumstance, the vocalist would have laughed.

"No, you're alive," Seokmin answered. "You're alive, with me, and I love you." Seokmin still had teary eyes and broken voice.

"How is that even possible ?" Hansol questioned, skeptical, "I mean you and Soonyoung ?"

"We're just close friends ?" Seokmin clarified. "I'm sorry, I should have told you sooner about how I feel. But, I was afraid and blind. I just, I don't know. You spend so much time with Seungkwan..."

Hansol chuckled, surprisingly after one month of silence, and Seokmin could have sworn it was the sweetest melody that had ever permeated his eardrums.

"We're just close friends ?" Hansol responded.

Seokmin only smiled. "I'm sorry."

"It's okay," Hansol said, his heart fluttering.

"No, it's not. I nearly killed you." Seokmin said apologetically.

"Well, my love for you did." The rapper corrected, in a will to lighten up the mood.

"I love you," The vocalist restated with sincere eyes.

"Ew, how cheesy. Stop saying it all the time." Hansol wanted to sound annoyed but his cheeks were tinged with pink.

"Only for you." Seokmin's lips sprawled into a tender smile, his teeth lighting up Hansol's eyes.

It was the smile he had always wished to have destined towards him, _for_ him.

It was the smile that was enough at his entire life; Seokmin being the only thing he truly wanted.

"Shut up and kiss me," Hansol responded, a smile in his voice even as he tried to stay neutral.

"How cliché." Seokmin retorqued, bending over to kiss Hansol.

At first, it was a soft and innocent kiss, slowly turning passionate. They broke it shortly afterward, gasping for air before deeply looking at each other's eyes.  
Seokmin climbed on the bed – now clean, thanks to Chan – and sat next to Hansol. He had barely sat before Hansol took his rightful place back on Seokmin's lips, his digits grazing the tanned man's scalp. The kiss was desesperate, passionate and overwhelming as if they were trying to catch up on all the moments they had missed due to their unsaid feelings.  
  
Seokmin made sure to pass his intense emotions to the other as they kissed deep, apologizing for all the unnecessary pain he had caused. The younger whined when they finally parted from each other. They kept their foreheads pressed together, looking at each others' eyes as if they were each other's world.

"I'm sorry," the vocalist muttered again.

Hansol was going to answer him but he felt like his throat was trying to expel something. He pulled away and started to cough, violently.

A single flower laid on his palm.

"Are you okay ?" Seokmin asked, starting to get extremely worried again.

Hansol's stare focused on the flower for a few seconds, before his features finally softened.

"Yes, I am." Hansol lifted his head, offering Seokmin the sweetest smile that had ever graced his lips in his presence.

"But, it's a flower," his lover retorted.

"I know, but it's the last one. Look, it's a white rose."

_Pure love, peace._

Everyone knew the meaning of this flower. Nobody had to inform them, this time around, that it was definetily gone.

Seokmin smiled as he caressed one of his lover cheeks, who were displaying a purple color again.

It was all over. _It's over now,_ Hansol kept repeating the words in his head.

It was over, yes, but a new story was about to begin.

_Theirs._

And despite all the suffering they had to go through, they were finally ready to write it.

 

**Author's Note:**

> hi there. 
> 
> i hope you enjoyed it ! 
> 
> this is my first english writing.  
> Seoksol is one of my OTP yet still so underrated and i really like this disease so here I am.  
> i'd like to thank my beta-reader Evy, a lot. she did an awesome work considering that English isn't my first language.
> 
> btw, i've started to write few other Seoksol fics i schedule to post but not now since i'm trying to focus on a GyuHao AU. anyways, thank you for your reading and feel free to comment.  
> 


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